Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams: Justin & Nana Eat Weird Stuff for Your Entertainment

East Asia may be the weirdness capital of the world, but they don't have a monopoly when it comes to strange eats--you can find plenty of odd flavors right here in the USA!

For instance: Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams, a local Ohio chain of adventurous gourmet ice cream shops.

I found out about Jeni's just this morning, from a Yahoo! Travel article on the country's best ice cream. Columbus, with its dairy-producing hinterland, has long been known as a good ice cream town, with several notable local chains. Neither of us had ever been to Jeni's, though--seemed like the perfect way to spend out last night in Ohio.

Now, thanks to the magic of the taster spoon, we were able to sample several flavors before committing to our scoops.

The salty caramel was first. Exactly as advertised: caramel, with sea salt. Definitely appeals to the guy who's been known to eat an entire bag of chocolate-covered pretzels in one sitting . . .

We also tasted black coffee (coffee ice cream that tasted like actual coffee ice cream, according to Nana's mom), brown sugar almond brittle (a bit sweet for Nana's tastes), and coriander raspberry (a nice combo, but with the yogurt flavor perhaps a little too strong). In addition, Nana's mom was kind enough to share some of her mint, which tasted like actual mint (you'll notice a theme here), a flavor achieved, I'm told, by steeping actual mint leaves in the cream.

For our own scoops, I started with Queen City Cayenne--dark chocolate with a hefty dash of hot pepper. For me? Just awesome. I've had a long and tumultuous love affair with spicy chocolate, and this was like eating a cup full of red pepper truffles.

It was a bit spicy for Nana, though.

We followed up with wildberry lavender. A very delicate flavor, kind of like floral tea with a hint of blueberry and blackberry. Really freakin' good.

And we ended with sweet corn raspberry. Nana hated this one, but it grew on me with every bite. It really did taste like sweet corn--buttery, a bit salty.

Finally, Nana's sister kindly offered us a few spoonfuls of her take-out scoops, dark chocolate and milk chocolate. Classic flavors, done exceptionally well. Tons of chocolate flavor, without the blast of sugar you usually find in chocolate ice cream.

All around, Jeni's was a huge success. Go check it out if you're an ice cream lover with some time to spare in Columbus!

Just Ducky: Playing the Tourist in Pittsburgh

Travelling is more of a mindset than it is a journey or a destination. One of the reasons Nana and I like living overseas is that it constantly sheds new light on old, familiar things. You quickly learn not to take, say, grocery shopping, or commuting, or ordering dinner for granted when you have to face each of these little challenges in a new and unfamiliar way. It's constant discovery, constant trial and error (with an emphasis on error). Really, it's almost like being a tourist all the time, right where you live and work.

Unfortunately, Nana and I have a tendency to turn off the tourist mindset when we're in the US for the summer. We're home, right? What more is there to see or do or learn? I mean, why not just sit around, go to the gym a few times a week, hang out in the coffee shops, and haunt all the old restaurants we liked back when we lived here? All told, it's not a bad way to spend the summer. Just a little less exciting than we're used to. But this isn't through any fault of the local geography: there's a ton of cool stuff to do in western PA and central OH, we just weren't really doing it.

So Nana and I made a resolution earlier this summer to try at least a couple new things in Pittsburgh and Columbus. The resolution didn't last long--we quickly reverted to our standard summer occupations of reading, loafing, and hanging out with family and friends--but while it did last, we spent a great afternoon with some family on a Just Ducky tour of Pittsburgh.

Photo: Patti Brahim

Just Ducky operates a fleet of amphibious truck-buses (World War II surplus, the lot of 'em) out of the Station Square area of Pittsburgh. On the spur of the moment, we met some family members down there for a midday tour a couple weeks ago. Just the sort of thing we were looking for: literally, a new perspective on a familiar old place.

(A note of warning to anyone related to me walking around Pittsburgh: as time "t" increases, the probability of running into one of my relatives approaches 1. While waiting for the tour to start with my dad's side of the family, we ran into some cousins from my mom's side outside the Hard Rock Cafe.)

Photo: Patti Brahim

Just Ducky Tours uses the DUKWs as a platform for perky land-and-sea showcases of downtown Pittsburgh. The tours focus heavily on architecture, which is understandable given Pittsburgh's rich architectural heritage, with some history and pop culture thrown in.

For the young at heart, however, the highlight definitely comes after the boat is afloat: the tour guides choose a couple children to pilot the boat (at a roaring speed of five miles per hour) past the Carnegie Science Center. It's really a treat for the young ones--so serious, as they strain to get their wide eyes over the wheel. The kind of thing these little munchkins will remember for the rest of their lives.

This one kid, though, had trouble keeping her eyes on the road.

Photo: Patti Brahim

Dear readers, I give you Nana, driving a World War II-era amphibious troop transport down the middle of the Ohio River.

Give her a hand, folks! Isn't she great!

Apparently, the skipper shared my assessment of Ensign Nana's debut performance, awarding her with not one, but two "I Drove the Duck Boat" stickers, the latter of which is now blazoned on the right palmrest of her laptop, an eternal testament to the glory of her short but distinguished naval career.

Justin and Nana Eat Weird Stuff For Your Entertainment (US Edition): Funnel Cake

My mother, sister, and I went to the Ohio State Fair to see the legendary Loretta Lynn in concert. (She's 76 and, for the record, sounds better than ever). American State Fairs are known for many things, like livestock exhibitions, midway rides, and butter sculptures. More than anything else, they're famous for frying absolutely anything.

Funnel Cake is a fair staple which I've actually never had before. What is a funnel cake? You take batter, spatter it into sizzling hot oil, deep-fry it, and cover it in powdered sugar. In other words, it's manna from heaven.


GLORIOUS.

If you look closely behind my sister Jackie and me in the picture above, you can see that the funnel cake stand also offers deep-fried Twinkies. This always puzzled me, as I was under the impression that Twinkies were already deep-fried, but I guess there's no harm in meta-frying (see definition of "meta" here).

The fried food options at the fair are truly multifarious. Here are some of the many foods fair vendors will immerse in batter and boiling oil for your consumption:

First, why let Twinkies have all the fun? Why not fry Oreos, Reese's cups, or a full-size Snickers bar?

Get a taste of out-of-state exotica with deep fried whoopie pies, all the way from Kentucky!

Don't have a sweet tooth? Satiate your craving for savory with fried pickles!

Finally, there's always the elegant, Zen-like simplicity of plain old "Fried Dough."

And believe me, I know zen-like simplicity. I live in Japan!

Catch-up post: Ohori Park Japanese Garden

Justin and I posted about Ohori Koen (Ohori Park) before, but we tend to go there frequently. It's a nice bike ride when the weather is good, and there are always plenty of people walking adorable dogs. Dog-spotting is the Justin and Nana version of "what would you do for a Klondike bar?" and the answer is "Just about anything."

Ohori Koen is free, but it also has a traditional Japanese garden with a small (~$2.50) entrance fee. Judging by Justin's impeccable file-naming habits, we seem to have visited this garden last March.

According to this web site, "Water as a design element in the garden is crucial. ... Water's importance is not as a substance but as a symbol and expression of the sea. Even the quantity of water present is unimportant. If space is a problem, one is supposed to be able to enjoy the tranquility of the sea in contemplation of a bucketful of water contained in a stone water basin." Fortunately, Ohori Koen's budget seemed to have room for more than a bucketful:


The central pond is surrounded by many small islands, a design apparently intended to symbolize a Japanese landscape in miniature, or even the island chain of Japan itself. Minimalism is a hallmark of Japanese design - think about how simple a piece of sushi is compared with the bright colors of a Chinese stir-fry, or how a brown-and-white Japanese Buddhist temple contrasts with its explosively colorful Korean or Taiwanese cousins. A Japanese garden is the same way. Anything artificial, like lights or bridges, is made as inconspicuous as possible. Only natural colors are used, as with the brown bridge above. Here, look how the patio shade behind Justin has been tucked against a hillside behind a curve so it doesn't dominate the landscape:

The bridge I'm sitting on is carefully designed to blend in with the paths. Having recently lived in the UK, I'm reasonably sure they would ban it on the grounds that it is a safety hazard. Note stealth lamp lurking in the bushes behind me.

People even seem to prefer natural-colored wardrobes. Our students commented on it when we took them to Seoul for the Model UN conference. I don't know if that's a Japanese thing or a Fukuoka thing. I just noticed looking at these two pictures that Justin and my wardrobes are probably the only things about us that blend in.

It's okay for koi to be brightly colored. They can't help themselves.

Here's a larger version of the feature we know in the US as a "Zen garden," mostly because they make the little desk versions where you can rake sand around rocks and presumably attain inner peace without the bother of leaving the office.

We came a bit early in the season for hanami, or cherry-blossom viewing, which usually peaks in the late March/early April time period, depending on temperature and rainfall. Plum trees, however, bloom earlier, and there was one straggler still in bloom at the Ohori Japanese Garden:

(Notice how the lamp is placed low to the ground beside a taller tree to avoid calling attention to itself).

Plum, or ume, is the fruit used to make the super-sweet plum wine available at many US Japanese restaurants. When I studied Chinese in college, my teacher chose the character "plum" for my surname: 梅, pronounced "mei" in Chinese. It was a treasured annual tradition for me to forget how to write it over the summer, culminating in one year when I had my sister photograph the binder from last year which I'd left at home and email me the picture of my name on an old homework. Here, Justin stops to smell the ume:

and I, inspired by the simple/balanced aesthetic of the Japanese Garden, attempted to take a poetic picture:

You're moved, admit it.

International English

Yesterday I read this BBC article about American English expressions creeping into British vocabulary. The answers fell into four main categories.

1. The Americans are right
"Alphabetize" is a perfectly acceptable shorthand replacement for "to put in alphabetical order." Same for "deplane." A TV series and a TV season are two different things. And if you don't like "normalcy," take it up with Warren G. Harding.

2. The Brits are right
"Bi-weekly" is a nightmare word. Nobody knows if it means twice a week or every two weeks, a matter of some import when scheduling meetings. Fortnightly would be a great replacement. "It is what it is" is a horrible, vacant phrase, that's what it is. "I could care less" should be "I couldn't care less," unless of course it is a topic do you care very much about. You cannot be of "Scotch-Irish descent" unless your lineage involves a whisky-swilling Hibernian (note that this is not out of the question).

3. The Brits missed the point
Americans who say "That'll learn you" are almost certainly using it ironically. Almost.

4.. Just different:
Nobody ever died from pronouncing it "zee" rather than "zed," or "lev-erage" instead of "lee-verage." There is nothing inherently better about "bangs" vs "fringe," or "shopping cart" vs. "trolley." And who knew that British people didn't say "Can I get a..." when ordering at a restaurant?

Anyway, the article made me think about the various words and expressions that have crept into Justin and my vocabulary over the course of our adventures together. We often say things which don't make any sense to the people around us, although this was not necessarily a new phenomenon. I love words, and I'd like to share some of our favorite expressions we've picked up or made up in various places. If I put "invented" after the word, it's either not a real word or it's an inside joke.

Nana and Justin's International Dictionary

"ajumma," as a verb. I was first in line, but I totally got ajumma'd. Korea/invented. "Ajumma" literally means "aunt." We invented this word to describe a moment when you are run over, cut off, or otherwise owned by woman over the age of 50. In Korea, this only counts if she has a large cloud of permed hair, referred to as the "ajumma-fro" or "a-fro."

"Crap," as an adjective. The weather today is crap. Scotland. Precisely what it sounds like.

"Dozo." Can I sit here? Dozo! Japan. It can be used in any "please, go ahead" situation, from holding the door open for somebody to taking the last cookie.

"Goatrope." This school activity day with three hours of homeroom is turning into a total goatrope. D.C., US Navy. A mess. Total chaos.

"Hai!" Justin? Hai! Japan. Officially, it probably means something like "Yes," but you also use it where you'd use "What's up?" or "here?" in English when someone's searching the house for you, or as you'd use "Okay" if someone asks you to do something. The advantage is that it's so much fun to say and so cute that you even trick yourself into thinking you're really excited to take out the recycling.

"I can't be arsed." I would get up to change the channel, but I can't be arsed. Scotland. It's too much trouble. Why bother?

"Kodak," as a verb. Will you Kodak me standing in front of this church? The Philippines/invented? I'm not sure if it's used in English as well as Tagalog. I love how much more efficient it is than the English equivalent "take a picture of."

"meta." We're having an argument about whether or not we argue too much. That's so meta. College. Apparently this is a thing, because one of our fellow bandies who went on to law school reported the following story on her blog: "Legislation Prof: This is how you tell that the author of the textbook is a professor at Yale. He starts to use words like 'meta' and 'exogenous.' You know that when you hear the word meta, the plane has stopped in New Haven.""

"Oh God, why?" We're spending our vacation camping on Noko Island, home of the giant spiders! Oh God, why? Scotland/invented. Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, is by far my favorite member of the British aristocracy, by which I mean he's the one I'd want to sit next to at a dinner party. He's so famous for massively politically incorrect but often completely hilarious statements that there are web sites dedicated to them (a mild sample: to a fashion designer, 2009: “Well, you didn’t design your beard too well, did you?”) During a book history class evening, Justin was told that the Duke of Edinburgh was the member of the royal family designated to knight a particular scholar for services in book history. He asked her what she was being knighted for. She said, "Bibliography." He said, "Oh God, why?" True story. Justin and I use this phrase whenever anybody mentions doing something we can't imagine wanting to do. It must be said as fast as possible and in a nasally posh British accent, dragging out the y sound: "ohgodwhyyyyy?"

"So so so." This picture must be from 1992, because of my hair. So so so. Japan. In Japanese, it's considered polite to show that you're listening to a speaker by making noises of comprehension. Like Hai!, this sound is sort of a reflex for Japanese people, in the same way that English speakers working in a foreign language may still fill in pauses with "um" or "uh," so you can be talking to someone who's fluent in English but nevertheless uses this phrase. I can think of multiple occasions at the school where the Japanese person I've been speaking with has held the entire conversation using only Hai! and So so so:

me: Are you here?
Japanese person: Hai?
me: I'm working on the elementary play, but I need to find some furniture for scenery.
Japanese person: So so so.
me: You know the desks the students use?
Japanese person: Hai!
Me: I'm thinking of using them. I could lower them and cover them with butcher paper.
Japanese person: So so so.
me: Could I get about six, do you think?
Japanese person: Hai!

These are the good, positive Japanese noises. The bad ones are "Eeeeh?" said in a horrified rising tone, and the sharp intake of breath which in Korea we dubbed the Hiss of Death. Had I heard one of those noises, I would have known that I had about the same odds of getting the desks as getting Laurence Olivier to come back from the dead and take over as the lead in the play.

"Sumimasen." BONK. Aaa! Sumimasen! Japan. Excuse me. As with Hai! it's cuter and more fun than the English version, and never carries sarcastic connotations.

"Whiskey Tango Foxtrot." I can't believe he ate all my popcorn when I was in my meeting! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! D.C., US Navy. This is how you pronounce the common Internet abbreviation WTF, or "What the ...", in the NATO phonetic alphabet. Note that "Whiskey" is spelled with an E, American/Irish style, and not "whisky," which is Scotch. Very useful for expressing disbelief without the concurrent rise in blood pressure that comes with actually swearing. Justin aspires to have three ludicrous small dogs and name them Whiskey, Tango, and Foxtrot.

Please use these words wisely. They have great power.

And the 2011 Women's World Cup Goes To...

Japan!!!!!

Congratulations, Japan, on disciplined and enthusiastic play, on never quitting despite falling behind twice, on clean games, and most of all, on winning the World Cup in your very first finals appearance. I'll admit that once the game got started, I started to feel more partial to the good old US of A, but I can't be disappointed in this great underdog result.

Japan, I hope this puts smiles on the faces of people back home. And world, take notice: Asia's got game!

What are you doing at 2:45 tomorrow? Watching USA vs. Japan Soccer!

Reasons to watch the Women's World Cup final tomorrow - USA vs. Japan

1. Women's World Cup soccer is better than men's. I know, some of you are go on about speed and skills and other subjective nonsense. I happen to think the women play just as well as the men, but that's kind of beside the point. I actually enjoy children's soccer more than professional men's soccer, and half the time kids forget which goal they're kicking towards. I don't give a dang about skills. The important thing is that the result is honest. The primary reason I, and most North Americans, can't get into soccer is diving. When you grow up watching hockey and football, both of which have instant replay, and then you see two grown men bonk arms and fall to the ground screaming as if their elbows have been bitten by Doberman Pinschers and immersed in a bucket of salt, it's not just frustrating, it's pathetic.

Fortunately, for the time being at least, women dive less than men (here's a second study from Germany with similar results). This means that the game moves faster and is less reliant on always-questionable refereeing. And diving was dealt perhaps the sweetest, most cosmically-just own-petard-hoisted blow ever when the US tying goal against Brazil came during stoppage time awarded to compensate for a Brazil dive.

Reason 1b why the Women's World Cup is better: have you ever heard of a men's team blaming poor performance on the team bus getting struck by lightning, and then a failed drug test on traditional medicine to treat said lightning strike made out of musk deer glands? Oh, North Korea. You're the only country in the world weirder than South Korea.

Reason 2: Both teams in the final are awesome. On the one hand, the USA could win. For most of us, that's the home team, who could pick up an unprecedented third women's title. This is awesome. They played a great game against Brazil, simply refusing to quit. A US victory would likely mean increased US support for women's soccer, which is good for everybody, because just about everybody's national team, including Japan's, features multiple women who have played college or pro soccer in the US, where the money is. (Remember the ending of Bend it like Beckham, where they both went off to play soccer in California?) I think the future of women's soccer is heavily dependent on its popularity in the US. So let's go, USA!

On the other hand, Japan could win. Japan made it to the final thanks to incredibly scrappy play despite having only one player taller than 5'7 (beating the Germans, the home favorites and the tournament's tallest team, and the Swedes, who have have 16 over 5'7.) They're playing for Japan's recovery from the March tsunami and earthquake, and being colossally polite, brought a sign to the tournament to thank the international community for its support. If they win, they will be the first Asian team to win any World Cup - men's or women's. Plus, most of the time, I live there. So ganbatte, Japan!

Tune in tomorrow, 2:45 Eastern, because the only way to lose here is not to watch.