Saturday, August 28, 2010

Nana drinks weird stuff for your entertainment: NO GLORY TO THE HYPNO-COW

I'm at the school working right now (yeah, it's Saturday, yeah, that's normal) and needed a snack. Our vending machine provides this option, innocuously masquerading as a Tetra-Pak of milk:

Which bears a striking resemblance to Futurama's Hypnotoad:

A resemblance which may be to blame for my unquestioning purchase of this product. You see, I have no idea what those large katakana letters say. If I'd been smart, however, or less affected by the powers of Hypno-Cow, I'd have noticed the small print in the lower left hand corner, which I can read because it's the same as the Chinese: "Without fruit juice." Now, why on earth would somebody feel the need to specify that their milk is without fruit juice?

Because this is not just any milk, my friends. This is apple milk. Imagine if you took a glass of milk, and said, "Hm, not bad. But maybe I should cut it with a glass of apple juice." You'd be committed, and rightfully so. But in Japan, you'd have a successful career as a product developer for the Kagome corporation.

I suppose it's not so bad, once you get used to it. But that first swig, when you expect the smooth flavor of milk and get something with a distinctly vinegar tang, is not just nasty, but also frightening, as you try frantically to determine whether or not you've just taken a large mouthful of rancid dairy product. I am leaving it on my desk in case I get desperate later, but I fully expect this beverage to finish out its days in the trash.

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