The Toilets of Asia: Marina Town Mall

Today's featured toilet:

Gender: Female
Toilet type: Western seated
Special features: Toilet may be self-aware

We often refer to the Marina Town Mall as "the cheesy Southwestern mall" because of its unusual decor (the entrance is marked with a sign shaped like a saguaro cactus, and over the food court you have such oddities as a giant cowboy boot reading "Santa Fe"). What is most frightening about this mall, however, is the restroom. Innocuously clean and convenient... but then you enter the stall, and this happens:

(Note: I promise that the toilet in this video is not in use. There is nothing weird here except the toilet itself.)



So for those of you who didn't watch the video, or those of you who did, you get the point: Marina Town Mall has talking toilets. And if your level of Japanese is vaguely similar to mine, you will be able to figure out the first three words: "Kono toire wa," or "This toilet..." followed by ominous gibberish.

Here are some possible translations of the second half.

This toilet

... wants to know what you are doing, Dave.
... is hazy. Ask again later.
... says that the white zone is for immediate loading and unloading only. There is no parking in a white zone.
... shall fight on the beaches, shall fight on the landing grounds, shall fight in the fields and in the streets, shall fight in the hills; shall never surrender
... will self-destruct in ten seconds.

Please feel free to submit alternate translations.

PS. Video bonus: Yes, that is a midi version of Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" playing in the restroom.