Maiko Makeup Make-over: Dressing like a Geisha in Kyoto

I've wanted to do geisha dress-up since I saw a photograph of someone in costume in our Lonely Planet Japan guide. Visiting theatrical performances aside, however, Fukuoka is not exactly a hotbed of geisha culture. By contrast, Kyoto and geisha go together like New York and cabbies: for the epitome of geisha culture, you have to go to the source.

The most interesting thing I learned in the course of this, besides how bad I look in geisha makeup, is the fact that I actually wasn't dressing up like a geisha at all. What we think of as the "geisha" look - white face and red lips - is actually more of a "maiko" look. Maiko are apprentice geisha, and their look is much more elaborate and colorful than adult geisha (which, just to make sure you're totally confused, are called "geiko" in Kyoto dialect). The best source I can find suggests that this is a look for young women, and that you might continue to wear it for a few years after promotion from maiko to geisha, but gradually a geisha starts to wear less and less, and by 30 the geisha will only be seen in full makeup for a performance like the dances we saw here in Fukuoka.

This is one of the problems with writing about geisha, however - most of the writing really is "about" geisha and not "by" geisha. (I recommend Discovery Channel's The Secret World of Geisha; it's the best English source I found while writing this post). Maybe that's different if I became fluent in Japanese, but geisha are (professionally?) discreet and don't talk much about themselves. Beyond the public performances which have always been a part of geisha employment, they have chosen to avoid catering to the massive tourist interest in them. It is impossible to just waltz into Kyoto and set up tea with a geisha (assuming, of course, you could afford it... Secret World puts a typical 3-hour evening at $600 per person, and that was over ten years ago). This appears to be because a geisha tea-house is like an old-school British gentleman's club: part of the point is that it's exclusive.

Geisha are sometimes harassed by tourists when out and about in Gion. Good guide books or hotel owners can tip you off on places to go to spot geisha, but they will also advise you to leave the ladies alone as they go about their work. If you didn't know, the word "geisha" means "artist," and modern young women who are drawn to becoming geisha generally do so because of a passion for the dance, theater, or music involved. They don't become geisha to be celebrities, and they don't like to be paparazzi-stalked and certainly not manhandled. They do not pose for photos with tourists, either.

Justin and I decided not to go to the location recommended by our hotel, not because of any discretion reasons, but just because the time of day (4-6 PM, when the geisha set out for their earliest appointments) didn't work with our schedule. However, when we were walking through Gion (Kyoto's geisha district) on our way to my makeover appointment, a panel door slid open and out popped a full-gear maiko. She peeked around, laughed with the friend in the doorway, and then scurried out to the vending machine to buy a coke. So that's my big authentic-geisha spotting experience.

The place where we went for dress-up is called Maica. They are not fluent in English but have enough translated paperwork for yutzes like Justin and me to get by. The way things work at Maica is you pick a package. None of these are cheap - they start around $75 - but the more you pay, the more you get. I chose the cheapest package, which included make-up, wig, kimono, unlimited time to take my own pictures in the (badly-lit) downstairs room, and one professional picture in their studio. More expensive packages include bonuses like half-wigs integrated with your own hair, pricier kimono or kimonos which have actually been worn by geisha, or the chance to leave the building to take pictures in the tiny courtyard. The most expensive one lets you go haring all over Kyoto to take pictures at temples and shrines. I wonder how many of those women are mistaken for the real thing by tourists.

(Side note: the English paperwork specified that men were welcome to dress as maiko, including wig and full makeup; however, they were not permitted to purchase the walk-about-Kyoto package "to protect the image of real Maiko.") Maica also offers male-clothing packages for men, and I forced Justin to get one so we could take a picture.

Once you pick your photo package, you are taken upstairs where you have to lock away your phone and camera for the changing process and change into a loose under-robe, which is also sort of translucent, so I recommend not wearing black underwear. Then you go upstairs where you choose the kimono you want to wear. Interestingly, I picked a red kimono for myself, and when Justin came into the room, he picked the exact same one for me.

You may notice a slight problem with that last statement, which is that the men and the women are in the same room, and you're wearing a flimsy translucent pink cotton shift. I warned you about that black underwear. Once I chose my kimono, poor Justin had to stand around that room for about twenty minutes while random Japanese Maica clients came in and out in various stages of dress and undress, doing his utmost to merge with the carpet until I came back out.

They put your hair up and give you a hairnet, then do your white makeup. Since I wasn't allowed to have my camera in there, I have no pictures of the proceedings, but I do have this one I illicitly snapped afterwards in the makeup removal restroom (incidentally, it also shows the flimsy pink garment).

Japan math: maiko makeup + inappropriate facial expressions = disturbing resemblance to the Joker:

Next they put my wig on, and I finally got wrapped up in my kimono. I thought it would take longer, actually, but they have it down to a science. Here is a photo of the final wig + makeup final product:

They paint your lips on extra small. I've read alternately that that's because small lips were considered beautiful and because the white makeup makes any lip look larger. Probably a combination of the two. The little dangly pink thing on the right is a maiko headpiece. Full geisha won't wear that.

Here's an extreme close-up of the eye makeup (and believe me, if I'd known I would be doing a zoom, I would have taken better care of my eyebrows):

If I'd done basic research, I would have realized that red is an essential part of geisha makeup. In fact, geisha only use three colors: black, white, and red. But I hadn't thought about it beforehand, so when the lady started putting red eyeliner on me, all I could think of was how I was going to look like a Scot on Saturday morning, or Justin within fifteen feet of a cat. The ultimate result was not as unflattering as I thought it would be, but I maintain that red eyeliner may be best suited to people without green eyes.

Another unflattering color issue with geisha makeup? A super-white face makes your teeth look dingy:

Interestingly, geisha used to get around this by dying their teeth black, so the teeth would just sort of fade away into the mouth. I'm not sure that's better.

Here's the neck makeup (and the obvious wig):

The nape of the neck is the only part left uncovered by geisha makeup. Traditionally, this area is quite sexy in Japan, and you can see that the kimono deliberately displays it. Think of this makeup as playing the role of a necklace worn with a low-cut shirt.

So now you've seen bits and pieces, but what about the whole look? I made Justin take like seventeen thousand photos in there to make sure something came out. Here are some of the highlights, featuring me doing my best to badly imitate what I imagine is correct geisha body language:



Reverse shot showing obi, worn hanging long maiko-style (geisha have bows):

DRAMATIC BLACK AND WHITE FILTER:

DRAMATIC JUST PLAIN WHITE INDIVIDUAL:

Justin did not take getting into character quite so seriously:


Note the one-toed Ninja Turtle socks. From our time at the ryokan (traditional hotel) we discovered that these are excellent and quite warm in winter, although I'm still boggled that traditional Japanese footwear calls for these and sandals outdoors in winter, and nothing else.

Justin behaved himself a bit better for the obligatory local-person-asks-to-pose-with-crazy-foreigners shot. (This happens sometimes and we always say yes. I figure it's the least we owe Japan for putting up with us.)

My favorite picture of the day is on another post.

Overall, I thought my time at Maica was totally worth the cost. I don't think it's worth it for men, but it would have been really lame for Justin to go with me and for us not to have a picture together, so in that case it was worth it as a couple. And now I can put another check mark in my "things to do in Japan" list!

Kyoto - Arashiyama and Tenryu-ji

On the last morning of our Kyoto trip, Nana and I hoofed it out to Arashiyama, a woodsy district in the foothills of the mountains to the west of town. Our first stop was Tenryu-ji, a bustling temple with a huge forest garden.

Tenryu-ji, yet another UNESCO World Heritage Site, is home to the Rinzai sect of Buddhism. It's a spectacular site in the autumn, most famous for its use of the hills behind as "borrowed scenery" and for a massive and well-tended bamboo grove.

If you don't mind, I'll let the photos speak for themselves!

Yet another of those odd, fachwerk-haus gates.

A brilliant dash of momiji (Japanese maple) at a little shrine near the main gate.

A hint of borrowed scenery.

Did I mention that it was a spectacularly clear day?

Looking out over the temple grounds from the top of the hill.
Many of Kyoto's temple gardens have a little hilltop path at the back.

A little ornamental pond . . .

. . . with a very serene-looking frog.

As you can tell from this next batch of photos,
I was completely captivated by this huge bamboo grove.

The picture can't quite capture the eerie depth of the place,
or the wind whispering through.

We left the temple by the back door, taking a nice little walk through the bamboo on our way to the Arashiyama Monkey Park. Yes, you read that correctly - the Arashiyama Monkey Park! (Stay tuned for more.)

Spring Break Plans: Siem Reap, Cambodia!

From Wikimedia Commons.

Ever since I read about the place way back in elementary school, I've wanted to see the temples of Angkor in Cambodia. After toying with the idea of a return to Hokkaido for some March skiing - a plan that amid the uncertainty around last spring's earthquake we ditched in favor of our Taiwan trip - Nana and I literally did a 180 and turned our sights south.

As a bonus, the trip includes a very strange flight itinerary that includes a seven-hour layover in Busan, South Korea. We never managed to see Busan during our Korea days - we're actually closer to Busan now than we were in Seoul - but it looks like we finally will on our way to Siem Reap.

The Toilets of Asia: Cafe Saint Amour, Kyoto

Today's featured toilet:

Gender: Unisex (single-stall)
Toilet type: Eastern squat toilet, aka "squatty potty"
Special features: vain attempt to conceal horrifyingness of squat toilet; world's narrowest sink

I try to be open-minded as I live overseas, and my reward for that has been discovering some ways to do things that are genuinely superior to ways back home. Korean under-floor heading ("ondol"), for instance, is so much better than anything done in North America or even in Japan or the UK, that anybody who experiences winter should just knock down their houses and start over. Chinese food is easier to eat with chopsticks, once you get good at them. Coins of actual value are fun (Japan's most valuable coin is 500 yen, or about $6 these days). Sleeping on floor mattresses solves all sorts of problems, from cleaning under the bed to keeping your covers from falling off.

But objectively, squat toilets are terrible. Simply terrible. They have no redeeming feature whatsoever. Here is how you use them:

(image from Japanory blog post located here)

Yes, I know, medical types may tell you that squatting is actually a more ergonomically sound position for, you know, getting your business done. You know what? Tell that to my knees. Especially tell that to my knees when I'm experiencing, as one does, travel-related digestive issues. (There's a reason they teach you the phrase "to have diarrhea" in 2nd-year Chinese). Nothing compounds a stomach problem quite like having to choose between another five minutes on the toilet and the throbbing pain of blood vessels exploding in your thighs.

Some squat toilets have bars in front which you can hang onto to help you keep your balance. Let me tell you how dignified that feels, squatting and dangling like you're on water skis preparing to go over a jump. Sometimes I think locals don't actually use the squat toilets, and they're acutally just a hilarious hidden camera prank on foreigners.

But alas, no. Other people do use the squatty. And not a single one of them can aim. When you share the toilet with men, they let fly from about three feet up and the splash goes everywhere. When the toilet is limited to women, you still get spray from the high-capacity flush. (Once you press the flush lever on a squatty, run like hell). The Japanese are the cleanest people alive. The word "beautiful" and the word "clean" are actually both the same word here - kirei. If the Japanese cannot make a sanitary, non-smelling squatty, then it cannot be done.

So squatties invariably smell faintly of urine, and that's if you're lucky. If you're unlucky - say, the squatty is frequented by children, or drunks, or is located on a moving train - you will find full-on puddles and non-liquid deposits flanking the toilet. I can't tell you how much fun it is to contemplate placing your nether regions two inches from that. Sure, I hear you say, what about the mess people leave on a toilet seat in the West? You actually have to sit on that! And I reply: first, you can wipe it off, which you cannot do for the five square feet of squatty space. Second, if things are bad enough, go to a different stall. There is no different stall in squatty world - they will ALL be like this. If you are a female foolish enough to wear pants, you have to roll them up before you get near that toilet, and a skirt has to be tucked up under your armpits. After you leave, I strongly recommend setting fire to your shoes.

So I honor the Cafe Saint Amour for its valiant attempt to convert the agonizing, bacteria-ridden torment of squatty usage into a charming autumnal cottage experience.

I just hope they change the flowers frequently, because you know exactly what splashes on them.

Bonus feature: Japanese toilets are often wedged into awkward, cramped spaces. Because of this, Japan has developed fabulous tiny sinks. If this bathroom had featured a normal full basin sink, you would not have been able to walk inside.

This sort of engineering is available here, and yet they still have squatties... sigh...

The Worst Christmas Present Ever, Revealed: It's a tanuki!

A couple of months back, I wrote this post notifying my brother Jim that I had found a 2011 Christmas present even worse than the fluorescent pink man-leggings I gave him in 2010. We are still on speaking terms only because Jim is a very good sport.

Well, here it is, the most horrible thing I could find in Japan: a tanuki statue. What is a tanuki?

"Among the most recognizable and ribald images in Japanese folk art is a rotund, jolly little bear-like animal, wearing a large straw hat and carrying a bottle of sake, and most unabashedly propped on top of his own enormous, dragging scrotum. This is the famous and beloved tanuki."

Tanukis do not have to be horrible. In fact, if you can get over the giant scrotum thing, many of them are kind of cute. Here's a little fellow Justin and I photographed in Kyoto, where tanukis are so popular you see them in practically every doorway:
This tanuki is odd but sort of adorable, like the Hello Kitty version of the cast of Splash Mountain. He would not look out of place on a child's bookshelf, provided you lied and told the child that he was sitting on a strangely-shaped tree stump. The tanuki I bought Jim is not cute and should not be placed anywhere near a child. The mere fact that this statue exists has Walt Disney rolling in his grave.

Jim's tanuki is cute-tanuki's derelict Appalachian moonshiner third cousin. Cute-tanuki bats his eyelashes at you; Jim's tanuki gives you a terrifying thousand-yard stare. The paint on his arms blurs into his body and his body bleeds into his alcohol bottle. Methamphetamines may have been involved.

What is tanuki sitting on? (Besides the scrotum). A research paper, of course. By yours truly, two pages single-spaced, with fifteen footnotes. I'm not sure my university envisioned me researching raccoon-dog testicles as part of my free alumni JSTOR subscription, but maybe that was a risk they were willing to take.

What's that you say? You want to read this paper? OF COURSE YOU DO, and here it is.

Disclaimer: This is probably the most off-color thing I have ever posted on one of our blogs. It only passes what Justin and I think of as the "grandma test" for blog appropriateness because Justin has exceptionally funny grandmothers. It is likely that at some point in my life I will regret having posted this. For now I will use the Muppet Christmas Carol defense: Rizzo asks Gonzo, "Say, this is pretty scary stuff. Should we be worried about the kids in the audience?" Gonzo says, "Nah, this is culture." And so are tanukis!

____________________________________________________________________

The tanuki is generally called "raccoon dog" in English, although sometimes it is also translated as "badger." An "irreverant" nickname for shogun Tokugawa Ieyasu was "Furu-Tanuki," or "The old raccoon-dog," because of the shogun's "wily, patient, diplomatic" nature.¹ In Super Mario 3, Mario can put on a "tanooki suit," whereupon he can fly and turn himself into a statue.² Despite the tanuki's modern role as a bringer of luck,3 the tanuki of Japanese folklore is a trickster who uses his shapeshifting ability to commit mischief:⁴

"[A] man is duped into thinking he is spying on a badger who has transformed into a samisen [shamisen, stringed instrument] player. When the man is about to reveal the identity of the musician to onlookers, he suddenly discovers that he is staring at the buttocks of a horse."⁵

Tanuki statues are often set outside stores and homes, and have a standard appearance. [Fig. 1]

(Fig. 1: Tanuki and accessories. Shikaraki Tourist Association)

It must be acknowledged that this diagram glosses over some of the less reputable aspects of the tanuki. For instance, the document identified as "business note" is actually the tanuki's liquor bill,⁶ which "he never pays."⁷ The aspect of tanuki's physical form labeled "blob" on the diagram is more commonly known by its medical term, "scrotum."⁸

Just as the scrotum is a disproportionately large part of the tanuki's physical form, so does it dominate tanuki mythology. As illustrated in 19th-century Ukiyo-e prints by the artist Kuniyoshi, tanukis can use their testicles as fishing nets, umbrellas, tents, free weights, and boats.⁹

Image from http://pinktentacle.com/2009/06/all-purpose-tanuki-testicles-prints-by-kuniyoshi/

The testicles can even be used "as something like a bulky carpet under which to smother his enemy."¹⁰ In folklore, the tanuki's shapeshifting testicles are an important element in his repertoire of deception. In a story known as "The Tanuki's Trick," a lost mapmaker takes shelter in a mountain hut, and passes the time by "pull[ing] some loose threads from the mat and finally stab[bing] the mat with a knife." At this point, the hut disappears, and "the man discovers that he has been hosted by a [tanuki] who created an illusion of the house, using its scrotum to fashion the eight-mat floor."¹¹

Those concerned for the tanuki who has just been shanked in the nuts must recall that the tanuki's testicles are unusually durable. He has toughened them via such methods as using them as hammers¹² and playing them like a drum, hitting his testicles with a pair of sticks.¹³

Image from http://pinktentacle.com/2009/06/all-purpose-tanuki-testicles-prints-by-kuniyoshi/

Tanuki's scrotum is also immortalized in a Japanese children's rhyme:

Tan-tan-tanuki no  kintama wa Kaze mo nai no ni bura-bura Sore o miteita kodanuki ga Furumono nai node pura-pura Sore o miteita hikigaeru Shiwa kucha mancho ni tobi tsuita

The balls of the [tanuki] are swinging with a breeze. The baby [tanuki] that is watching them He can't do anything because he has nothing to swing. The toad that is watching them jumps for the wrinkled genitals."14

Why, then, does this large-scrotumed creature signify luck? Alice Gordenker, of The Japan Times, quotes an explanation from scholar Shigeo Okuwa:

"To make gold leaf... craftsmen would wrap gold in a tanuki [scrotum] skin before carefully hammering the gold ...It was said that gold is so malleable, and tanuki skin so strong, that even a small piece could be thinned to the size of eight tatami mats. And because the Japanese for "small ball of gold" (kin no tama) is very close to the slang term for testicles (kintama), the eight-mat brag got stuck on the tanuki's bag. Soon, images of a tanuki began to be sold as prosperity charms, purported to stretch one's money and bring good fortune."¹⁵

1U.A. Casal, "The Goblin Fox and Badger and Other Witch Animals of Japan." Folklore Studies, Vol. 18, 1959, 50

2"Tanooki suit." Super Mario Wiki. Accessed 25 Dec. 2011.

3Casal 58

4The tanuki can be helpful, as when a Japanese family fed a tanuki family in a time of famine, and the tanukis reciprocated by transforming into wrestlers to defend their benefactors from burglars Casal 54.

5Violet H. Harada, "The Badger in Japanese Folklore," Asian Folklore Studies , Vol. 35, No. 1, 1976, p. 4.

6Barbra Teri Okada, "Netsuke: The Small Sculptures of Japan." The Metropolitan Museum of Art Bulletin, New Series, Vol. 38, No.2, Autumn, 1980 p. 24.

7The tanuki in fact does pay his bills, but in illusory coinage which disappears not long after the tanuki does. The bill has ironically developed into a modern symbol of trust. Schumacher, Mark. "Tanuki in Japanese artwork." Onmarkproductions.com. 1995-2011. http://www.onmarkproductions.com/html/tanuki.shtml. Accessed 26 Dec. 2011.

8Tanukis rarely have penises. The scholar U.A. Casal has "never obtained a sensible explanation of this defect." This author feels that Casal's pursuit of a "sensible explanation" in any aspect of tanuki mythology is optimistic. Casal 56.

9Pink Tentacle (Blogger). "All-purpose tanuki testicles (prints by Kuniyoshi)." 23 June 2009. http://pinktentacle.com/2009/06/all-purpose-tanuki-testicles-prints-by-kuniyoshi/. Accessed 25 Dec. 2011.

10Casal 56.

11Harada 5.

12Pink Tentacle

13Casal 56.

14 The rhyme is sung to the Protestant hymn "Now We Gather at the River." Joel M. Maring and Lillian E. Maring, "Japanese Erotic Folksong: From Shunka to Karaoke." Asian Music, Vol. 28, No. 2 (Spring - Summer, 1997), p. 36.

15Alice Gordenker, "Tanuki genitals." The Japan Times. 15 July 2008. http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/ek20080715wh.html. Accessed 26 December 2011.

Back in Fukuoka.

Or, 福岡に かえりました。

Against all odds and a healthy dose of our own stupidity, Nana and I have made it back in time from our Christmas holiday for a good night's sleep and a full day's work tomorrow.

Happy New Year!

メリークリスマス

メリークリスマス = "Meri Kurisumasu," or "Merry Christmas" in Japanese.

We're home visiting family in the US for the last week. We had some exciting (read: terrifying) moments on an excessively bouncy flight en route. I've never had a captain come over the loudspeaker before to inform the passengers that "this turbulence does not pose a threat to the safety of the aircraft."

We did plan to do some blog posts but we've been really busy. In between holiday stuff, we've been chipping away at massive piles of grading. (The answer to the song "What are you doing New Year's Eve" is much less exciting when you are a teacher). I spent a whole morning stealing clothes from my pregnant sister, which was delightful because this is the first time in history the clothing theft has ended in my favor. We were going through her wardrobe looking for stuff that doesn't fit her anymore and I swear half of it was mine in the first place.

Best holiday wishes to all of you wherever you are, and safe non-turbulent travels.